Relationship gurus, Harville Hendrix and Helen Lakelly Hunt, stated that “[t]hrough relationship, we are mirrored into existence. The consciousness of who we are … arises out of our encounters with other people.” Technology has invaded the most personal relationship we will ever have: romantic partnerships. Online social networks (both dating and those like FaceBook) have become a cornerstone of the ways in which we meet and interact with others. They have expanded our communities and given us access to new social circles. Dating sites are big business. They fine tune their services to accommodate their member’s desire to find love and companionship. eHarmony alone has 14 million registered users of which 2-3 million use the service each month. Despite the ongoing stigma, it is clear many people utilize online dating service.

Given the parameters of the online communities, dating profiles provide a pseudo-sense of anonymity. Individuals use “handles” but then post (usually) their own photo along with an enormous amount of personal and somewhat private information. Relationships are no longer slowly developed as the two people get to know each other over a series of coffees, dates, movies, and the common “walk on the beach.” Instead, before meeting face-to-face, they have compiled relatively extensive profiles. They know their marriage/partnership history, number of children and their ages, what pets they have, their level of education, religious views, their politics, whether they drink or smoke, along with checklists of how they see themselves and who they are seeking. In fact, once they have screened each other, many never actually meet. The physical nature of relationships has been replaced with cyber-bits. Our social interactions have been altered at their core. In Looking, Bernadine explores how online communities have changed our interactions, what are they mirroring back to us about who we are, and the ways in which women (in particular) are using these networks.